Time flies so fast. Can't believe it has already been almost 3 years since you left. How have you been doing?

I've been thinking of you during these time. Everyone has actually. Especially that little one whom you been taking care of since she was born.

Mummy told me that whenever she's back at your place, she'll go to your room, look at your picture and starts talking to you about what has been happening lately in her life. She even asked if you have been doing well and all. Did you hear it everytime she went to visit you? We came to know about this because her mummy was standing hiding behind the door, listening to her words. It's amazing how little kids are able to know so much things at such little age. I'm sure she misses you alot...

I dreamt of you the other night. But I felt kind of distance between you and me. We were standing so close to each other but your eyes seemed to be so far away. Are you mad at me for not visiting you when I'm back? I'm so sorry... I really want to, so bad. But... tell you a secret, I feel bad. I feel bad because I wasn't able to fly back home to walk down the last journey with you. I feel bad because... I feel that I've let you down...

When mummy speaks of you, I always try to make the conversation short because I know she feels sad whenever she and grandma talks about you. You were the sunshine of our lifes - still am, really.

Family gatherings always feel kind of empty without you around... Lack of your warmth, your smile and your touch. Of course it's always nice going back Singapore and meeting the whole family once again, I always look forward to that. Just that, we miss you.

I'm not sure how he is coping with your absence. I'm sure you are watching over him everyday yes? Grandma told me that they saw him shopping alone once. But I know that he was able to feel you beside him all these while, right?

I miss you so much.. It has been almost 3 years but I still haven't quite forgiven myself for not being there in October...

I can still remember clearly what happened that very day - I was still in Sydney and just weeks before my finals. Min msned me telling me someone in our family has left. I kinda mistaken you for someone else when she was explaining to me, mostly because it was too sudden for my brain to handle. Then when I finally realised it was you she was refering to, I thought she was joking. Ha. So she told me to call back home and check. And I did. Until now, I still remember very clearly how grandma sounded when I called her. And I cried for days and nights after...

You see, people tend to need closure in things they love so much.

Even though I attended that day with the whole family when I came back, it wasn't the closure I needed. I needed to see you. For that very very last time. That was the closure I needed. Because that was the most ultimately intimate moment ever to bid someone their final goodbyes. And I wasn't there...

But one thing you must know is,

I love you - always and forever. till the end of time and the beginnings of eternity.

Poh Swee