every beat of my heart

Friday, December 30, 2005
@2:25 AM

Before I head to sleep, decided to do a quick blog of what i did today lol

Managed to meet up with Davinia this afternoon for movie and dinner in Orchard. We went to catch The Family Stone and it was really heartwarming show. Sarah Jessica Parker is as amazing as always and basically the whole movie plot was good! There was really some unexpected twist here n there :) Had to hold back my tears during some scenes too. Hahhahha Anyway after the movie we headed down to Din Tai Fong for dinner. Davi wanted to check out the new japanese restaurant at Wheellock Place but she felt kinda full after munching away those peanuts during the movie so ended up going for a quick bite at Paragon. Had to wait for abit while as to the usual queue outside the restaurant and I ordered some take-aways for my mummy n grandparents back home. hehehhe supper snack.

While we were waiting for my take-aways to be done, I striked up a conversation with Davi about first impressions and attractiveness. She believes that the most important of a person is the personalities and not whats outside that counts, which I totally agrees in too. But then, who would take time out to actually wanna understand and know someone as plain as Jane when they can actually hang out with an attractive lady by their side? Sure he might probably find out later that her personality stucks and how many bad points she could or might not have, but what guys think about all the time is always S*X. Plain and simple. Once they have it, they can just throw her aside when and as they pleased.

Frankly speaking, how many attractive/skinny girls in Singapore do you know who does not have a good personality? I know for a fact that the girls I know are all nice and wonderful people. All skinny/slim, pretty and very capable.Basically almost EVERYWHERE u see in Singapore is skinny/slim/attractive/pretty girls... So it is really a very competitive market for girls like me against them. Therefore, like the old saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them. Alas, I have to lose weight...............

But then again, once i lost the excess baggage away, and if really the potentials come flocking in, wouldn't u say that it's all really very much fakeness? U didn't like me before but you like me now? Just becos I've lost those excess baggage?

So in fact... outlooks does outweighs personalities... and that is as real as how unfair life is...

Well, don't know if this makes any sense cos i'm blogging at 2plus in the morning and my mind is drifting away...just a thought anyway...

nite.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
@12:42 AM

My 2005

So christmas has gone by so quickly. New Year will be approaching soon in a blink of an eye. This year has been not too bad i guess. Still the emotional ups and downs occasionally. Not forgetting the aplenty memorable moments n experiences.

2005 has proved quite fruitful for me. Let me list down some worthwhile moments...

Last semester I managed to get through with not a single failures. With this, I really have to thank Greg for being there partly physical and fully emotionally supporting me... He was there to pick me up when I was down. Encouraging me through my toughest moments in my studies and hanging around in my moments of craziness. Hahahhah I will never forget the many nights of phone conversations and the time we were able to spend together... Brisbane has definately been fun - even without trips down to tourist attractions. With Greg around, I was actually a better person!

After many life experiences, I have finally came to a conclusion that happiness doesnt last long. It's sad but true. It's part of life I guess. But with every fall, I manage to climb back up again and try to stumble my way around. And that's another thing about life. Emotional wise, I'm still the old me. I am trying to change my ways but sometimes it's just hard.

Thankfully I have some close friends around who are able to pull me back to reality. Without them, I really don't know who to turn to and how I will turn out to be. Thanks alot to those who has put up to my many nonsense, I really appreciate you guys, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for everything... :) Thanks for sticking around all these time... I love you guys!!!!

This year I met some really great people. People who has taught me many new life experiences. People who I thought I would never be able to meet. People who has given me more beautiful memories - it was shortlived but definately unforgettable. People who has given me the chance to widen my language knowledge. People whom I havent meet since eons ago. And people who has made an impact to me...

I got my 2nd job experience (since my whole teenage life) in Sydney. Great boss, nice customers, cool location and the best workmates! It lasted for only 2 months but I felt good about myself for once. Plus I felt my bank account lasted my longer period than I predicted! hahahhahahha

hmmm what else?

well, I think that's all I can remember right now.... :P My memory is failing me lately. Think its becos of my age.. with me yawning away as I am typing this.. geez

As for now, I gotten myself into another usual fix. hhahahahha That's me I guess. But one of my darlings talked me out. What he said is true but I wouldn't want to apply one of his opinions into action. Since I don't want to risk a friendship, hence no point for me to apply that logic in. Plus if that 'fix' is interested, it would be obvious. Guess it is just something plutonic as always. Sometimes I'm just sick of being their good plutonic pals...

xoxoxo

Saturday, December 24, 2005
@12:03 AM

...

korean movies makes me cry...

Thursday, December 22, 2005
@9:57 AM

i'll be home for Christmas. with no date...

i'm currently at my dad's clinic right now, as of the past few days in Malaysia... Managed to get abit of christmas shopping done for the last 2 days. Got what i wanted and i was quite pleased with myself i must say. hahahahha~

and so, i'm coming back home for christmas!! yiipeee~ well technically i shld be with my family for christmas - family as in like parents. but dad's busy again. eitherway i still prefer to spend my christmas back in my homeland - Singapore. there's still my family there too. My grandparents n friends :P

lately i've been thinking about the times i have had back in Sydney.. I really miss all my friends there.. the drinking, the roadtrips, the craziness, the heaps of messed up life basically! I don't know why but i really do miss the drinking and roadtrip part.. especially the night after our last final exams at Greenwood. Me, deviana, peter, marious, kyree and another norwegian guy. That night was exactly the first time i drank so much bloody tequila shots with few cups of vodka lime lemonade (my ultimate favourite drink!) and 1/2 cup of beer... I really saw stars everywhere and had to sit down and chilled abit. hahahha

i so miss those times.. -sigh-

anyway, will be back in Singapore tonight. heheh kinda happy but kinda sad at the same time. sad cos no date this christmas eve - as always. happy cos i'll be back in Singapore!!!!! kekekek~

so yea.. this post is reallly nothing much. just wanna tell u guys dat i'll be back home for christmas and.. yea. hahahah

ok la.. that's all for now~ till then,

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PARTY HARD AND DONT STOP TILL U'VE DROP!!!!!

*hehehhehe*

Saturday, December 17, 2005
@6:35 PM

- News Flash!!! -

One of the two pregnant female guppies at my dad's clinic is giving birth right this moment!!!

As of now, there's 3 baby guppies in the smaller bowl.

Still awaiting for more baby guppies to appear.

Hopefully soon...

Before we leave for dinner :P

Guess this is the most exciting thing that has happened since wednesday when I just reached Malaysia... -_-"

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

...........

Friday, December 16, 2005
@1:25 AM

- Random Thoughts -

[ when the world is fast asleep,
i began to create this.
With the pics i took earlier
and a sudden burst of inspiration,
i give you...
Just Being Me ]

hehehehhehehehehh :")

Thursday, December 15, 2005
@9:46 PM

Location - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

My second night in KL. Got the dialup internet up and working. My dad got the password wrongly which I kinda guessed it myself in the first place hahahah~ was asking him time and time again that if he's sure he got the password correctly. Time and time again the system prevented me from getting connected. Finally I got frustrated with it and decided to type in the old password.. Think I need not elaborate it any further...Parents~ :P

So the whole day I was at my dad's clinic. Helping him to design up a website for his clinic and also trying to catch up with my friends on MSN. I would say it has been somewhat a... fruitful day? *shrugs* seriously being in the clinic for the whole day, other than helping myself to the unlimited wireless internet network and air-conditioned room, I was not able to get much things done. Well, not the things I wanna do anyway.

As for now, I'm somewhat looking forward to next week and also counting down to christmas. Ironically, this year there wouldn't be much celebration going on at my place as every last few many years. Yuli will be attending one of her colleagues' wedding dinner, Audrey will be spending it with either her family or her bf's and the rest of my friends, hmmm with their family? So yea... Although I am trying to keep my fingers crossed, the hope that I will be able to spend it with someone quite special. 8 more days left. Quite doubtful... I shall just wait and see.

Oh!! Next week is gonna be Greg's birthday. Havent gotten him a present yet. Damn~ Not much time left now. Just have to wait til next week for me to shop around for my things before I go back to Singapore. Don't think I wanna join the mountains of people during this weekend. It's just tooo crazy.

I've given some thoughts on myself. I think I should slap myself silly most of the time. I can't help it. It's just me. Tried to change but it still comes back naturally. Well more like when I didn't realise anything, that stupid self suddenly pops out of nowhere. I don't get it. I just can't seems to get rid of it. why!??!?!?!?!?!?! In case you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, well, just bitching about the emotional part of me. Someone should just knock me in the head and tell me to wake up. Stop dreaming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Felicia has yet fallen into the dark, lonely, endlessly black hole of emotions....

Wishing that someone is able to pull her out of that emotional well... To let her breath again...

So help me. It happened too suddenly. I really, seriously did not expect it at all...

*drowning*

WEDNESDAY - 14th Dec -

:: our NICE++ coach interior :: my mummy dearest ::

Just reached Kuala Lumpur few hours ago. Weirdly I'm experiencing this sick feeling right in my guts. There's just too much traveling and packing around happening in my life right now. My body is adjusting it quite well but mentally i'm not feeling right.

One moment I was in Sydney. Next I was on the plane back to Singapore. Before I knew it, I was walking around the streets of Singapore. Just when I slowly gotten familiarise to my homeland, my mum packed me up for Malaysia. In a blink of an eye, I'm in my room of my Malaysia house...

I wouldn't call this 'adventure', or could I?

On the coach earlier this evening, I was thinking to myself "If I really gotten a job which requires me to travel around so crazily and often, can I really take it?"

I think right now I'm mentally drained out. In a dazed actually...

Just as I was about to relax and enjoy myself back in Singapore, meeting up with old friends and going out with special new ones, I was being dragged up to Malaysia.

Hopefully I will only be here for one week. Doubt I will be meeting any friends in Malaysia this time. I am going to just keep it low and chill. Plan to get some presents and stuffs before going back to Singapore next week - fingers crossed.

Was on the phone for few mins with ZhuYi, needing to hear some advise from a guy's point of view. He gave me some good pointers and i totally agreed with what he said. Actually I myself thought of it too but i just couldnt be sure. Hearing it from someone makes it more agreeable sometimes. For now, I will just enjoy the company and try to make it platonic - Not worth risking a new born.

Next week my results will finally be out. These few days since I'm back, I've been scaring the wits out of myself, worrying how my results will be - terribly horribly bad!!!! Did i mention that i even had a nightmare of it?? International Business gotten a 28/100 meanwhile the other 2 subjects 35/100 each. Like oh.. my.. dear.. lord!! To make it worse, back in Sydney i was playing with Devi this jinxed game. It's like if 2 people happened to say the same things coincidentally, they can make a wish and if one said "flip" while the other said "flop", the wish will come true and vice versa. It happened to us twice. First time it was good - this happened before our exams. Second time was bad - this was after our exams. I made the same wish twice. argh!!!!!!!!!! It's killing me~

Oh and just as i thought i'm able to use the internet here in malaysia, there was a problem with the connection... Apparently the username and/or password is invalid in the domain. Meaning what????? I wanted to chat online with my friends!!!!!!! :( :(

With no internet, the only thing i can do now is either listen to my mp3s, watch movies on my lappie or sleep... So i'm gonna wash up now and decide later.

xoxoxo

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
@12:56 AM

- Random Thoughts -

[while i was going through the older photos...]

i've never once imagined that my heart will be captured by Japanese boys. I have grown up with the thinking that Japanese people are mean people. With the history of Japan invasion into Singapore, China and the Southeast Asia, the impression of Japanese are crude, heartless and totally inhuman.

Then, the new generation of Japanese came into my life in the midst of this year. Through Celia, I gotten to know just how fun they actually are. They are friendly, fun-loving, easy and kind people. They are just like us.

I know i shouldnt be juding people from what their ancestors were and had done. I guess it's kinda those kind of things education injected you with. All along, Japanese was being protrayed badly. But that is in the past. The Wars are over. I guess you can't put all the blame into the younger generation with what the older generation did.

Never would I imagine that one of them can be so charming. He has the style, the talk and the vanity (hahahah). He loves antique and unique crystal rings. He's westernised in some ways. He knows how to be a gentleman and how to treat a girl right. From what I know, He is a unique group of Japanese boys. Not your average typical ones apparently. I guess that was what caught my attention. He was able to make me happy. The few days spent with him was chilled yet interesting. We talked about everything under the sun. He made me feel special. People was amazed that I was able to click with him so well.

When I first met him, I wasn't really fasinated by him in whatsoever ways. Maybe I was impressed by his fashion style and the way he carried himself. Other than that, he is just another one of the pretty boys around. But surprisingly, later towards the night and the days after, we gotten on pretty well...

I guess this is what one would call it - A Romantic Holiday Fling. Short but sweet.

Of course, many things reminded me of him. Going through the tons of photos we took, memories started running wildly in my mind. I definately miss the times together. We still keep in touch. But he is occupied with his life back in Japan while I am bumming around in mine back in Australia/Singapore.

Part of me wish to go visit him in Japan. But I know that is impossible. Not right now. Not financially capable of it yet.

As for now, I can only imagine and slowly wait for that moment to arrive - My first visit to Japan. To spend lovely time sightseeing Japan and seeing them, my Japanese friends once again - and Him.

@12:32 AM

Back!

Heyhey!! I'm back in Singapore now. Its nice. :) Home Sweet Home. *happy sigh*

But sadly, the weather is kinda warm. Lately it is not toooooooo bad but still humid. Heard that Sydney right now is still experiencing the early winter temperature.... -_-" when it's suppose to be close to beginning summer now.

Anyway, its still good to be back :)

Weirdly, I feel lost around Singapore. I don't really dare to take buses myself yet. So i'm like hopping onto taxis when i can. Kinda burning a hole in my pocket liao so i have to quickly get familiarise with my way around like soon! Plus i'm not very used to here yet, i can't really bring myself to shop around alone....... its bad... :(

Enough about my fears, I managed to develop some of my latest photos i took from Sydney and put them all into my Photo Albums. It was quite fun. Spent like few days putting everything together. heheheh

Going over to KL for a week or so this week and be back next week so i'll try to keep everything updated :)

Friday, December 02, 2005
@4:00 AM

Jetta Courier Service Pickup...

It's 7 am in the morning... I haven't slept a wink YET. Been busy packing and packing and packing.. I swear the whole packing thing never seems to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank god I managed to get everything done. Started at about 2am earlier i think. until now. And i'm totally shagged out.. My body feels so mentally drained out.. What's worst is I need to wait like 1hr 30 mins more for them to come for the pickup...... What am i suppose to do then? I feel like sleeepingggggg... But i'm worried that i may overslept and can't hear them ringing the bell.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Zhilun was nice enough to 'accompany' me through most of my packing. He was online on MSN, chatting with me and playing online game.. DAmn i really feel like sleeping.. Eyes are like closing already...

Anyway, the main thing i wanna say in this post is, I feel for Nguyen Tuong Van. As much as i think any drugtraffickers deserves such hash punishment, the article on The Australia kinda touched my heart. Everyone should know what they're facing for actually thinking about smuggling drugs into Singapore. It's definately no-doubts-about-it a BIG nono. Like what duh?? What are you thinking!??!?! Even when touching down in Singapore, the flight attendants or whoever's talking over the mic warns all passenger about the consequences of carrying drugs with it.

Still, it's a sad story. In Singapore it's about 4am. I guess he wouldn't be able to sleep as well... I hope you will rest in peace Van. If you are really innocent, I believe in Karma so whoever is the main culprit will definately pay the price for it.

The Article Link:
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,17434860^601,00.html

... i feel like sleeping so badly...

Thinking if i should meet daniel for coffee at 11am... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH~

I think i'm not going to work on saturday. I need some rest... Depends on later i guess.. Don't know how much all those rubbish which i'm couriering back Singapore is gonna cost...

I

NEED

SOME

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP

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