Saturday, September 24, 2005
@10:30 PM
HimI don't know why but i really miss him alot. He's one of the few many guys I can click with on a more personal level and given his nationality, that is unique. I nearly cried when I was sitting by myself at the palor, the same place we sat and talked on many nights. He told me about his ex-gf and how she plans to go over to work at the embassy to be close with him. He said its not possible to be patch back though. And I listened closely. I sense he still loves her abit although he disagree with me.
I being to tell myself that there is no such thing as 'The Perfect Guy'. Ironically I kinda found one econs ago but till now, we're just friends.
We sent him to the airport that night. Just the 4 of us. I felt alright then as he told me he'll visit me in December if possible. Maybe. Well I can only hope. It'll be his last vacation spot and will start working once he goes back..
"But if i didn't finish my thesis in time, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to visit you..."
I told Koko about his plan to go Singapore and mentioned that probably he's just saying it to be polite. She said its not normal for them to say such thing and he's saying the truth.
He told me not to be suspicious many a times. Maybe I should trust him. But I have yet to hear from him since he left.
Something inside me felt a sense of jealousy when he was close with his other female friends. But I couldn't show it. I had to reframe myself from this feeling. This feeling felt so strong when the 4 of us went to meet up with L. She called him 'sweetie'. They gotten to know each other during her exchange there for 1 year. I couldn't help but ignored him after bidding farewell with her. I became quiet and held back. Part of me so much wanted him to reach out to me and ask if I was okay. Like the way he always did. But this time, he just walked on with the rest. I felt so alone... Shattered...
Been checking my email first thing I wake up, last thing before I sleep and inbetween. But it always state there - Inbox(0). I asked your best friend if he has heard anything from you. He said No, saying that you might be busy preparing for your professor's wedding night. Tonight. I remember you mentioning it to me. I thanked him.
That night he said something which really made me feel so touched. He hugged me so tightly and as though he didn't want to go. It felt good.
I feel lost, shattered, disappointed and confused. What is wrong with me again? Its impossible between us and I know it. So why am i feeling this way??? I guess I just miss his presence so much... A shoulder to lay on. Yes?
I wonder if he feels the same way too. Maybe he is beginning to forget about me. With his many friends back home.
"Don't be suspicious..."
I guess only time will tell.
"Do you like me?"
"Yes of course. I feel comfortable around you."
"If given a chance, will you go out with me?"
"Yes. Maybe. But you know its impossible... Right?"
".... Yeah... But of course... .... "
Maybe it's one of those passing phrase in life I'm experiencing again. But this time, it's one of the special moments. Really hope to get his reply soon. If not, that's alright. Life still goes on. I will fall but definately climb back up again... Give me some time... It'll be over soon... Although I so hope the latter will not be true...
- I miss you so much... so much that it hurts... once more -
