grown..


as i was browsing through my blogreads earlier, i stumbled onto yanling's and the entry she wrote with her emo alert going on, really caught my attention..... and now i am sorta having an emo alert myself -_____-"

what she wrote on her blog totally speaks my mind. and i would definately say so to all who has been thru their overseas studies life. how lonely, independent things are and can be. how all such situations actually changed and moulded us into a stronger, matured individuals. how the many times we fell but always able to pick ourselves up once again. how many-a-once holes we gotten into and tipsy nights we were caught in.

sometimes i think to myself, will i be the person i am now if i didn't go overseas for my studies?

in some ways, i do feel a much more mellowed person as before - perhaps i know i'm growing older and there are just some things in life which indirectly states that you have to be this way at this place and time. no more craziness. no more insanity. no more illogical thinking. no more impulsiveness. no more me-me-me.

given a chance to turn back time, i wouldnt change a single thing that had happened to me. well maybe i'll tell myself to study much much more harder than i am now (before). other than that, i'm happy the way life has turned me. i'm happy with how much i've seen, learnt, felt, grown and adapted. i'm happy with the loneliness and disappointments in my life. i'm happy with the many get-togethers and break-ups. i'm happy with all these excessive pounds i've put on during the cold winters, springs and autums.

but for once... i really wish that time will just stand still for awhile. so that i can just sit down, breathe and ponder what has been happening in my life so far? sometimes i'm just so tired of getting through one day at a time. sometimes i just don't want to get out of bed. sometimes i just feel so blue, so lost and so lonely..

i really don't know what to say and how to say it.

.....

feeling really rather blue right now... guess i better stop. else it'll just be more meaningless nonsense and emo-vomit.



good night.





l'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle
~Love that moves the sun and stars~*