as i was browsing ard my friends' profiles, i saw xxx's testimonial on xxx's profile...

i dont know why but all of a sudden, i feel this extreme jealousy building inside of me. i know its not right, especially when its between friends but sometimes it just cant be help.

plus its not up to an extent where like one is gonna physically abuse the other!!

its just a testimonial right? nothing much.. especially when its just afew words n stuff.. but.. its a very sweet testimonial.. from xxx to xxx... even more so when xxx is so popular among everyone..

it just sucks feeling this way.. this awful feeling inside when u knowingly know or supposedly know or guess dat dat someone wouldnt be interested in you when there's heaps of others who're better than you..

i'm not saying i dont have confident in myself. i just admit others have strengths that are stronger than mine. probably strengths that most people look for...

i just can't help but feel this way.. this jealousy building inside me.. knowing that i can't have what i want.. i dont usually put up a fight as such things can't be work out this way. if he doesn't fancy you, he doesn't fancy you. no matter what u do or say, he'll just be looking at her way.

althou the possiblities of him being touched by your care and concern after a long time might work, but usually he will just see you as a good friend who's always there to put him up when he's down and cheer him up when he's blue...

i dont really believe in putting up a fight to want a guy to like me. i dont exactly believe in playing mind games - it's just too tiring and time consuming.

but i can't bring myself to tell him how i feel for him. i am just too shy..

i did it once and it backfired on me. eventually i lost a friend as time went by. a good one in fact..

(those who're close to me shld know who i'm referring to)

i still kept the whole present - giftwrap paper n all - with me. my 18th bday if i recall correctly. and i truely loved the present very very very much...

i'm tired.. lost.. lonely.. n jealous-ed..

xoxox