As i was reading through my old posts on my older blogsite, i realised the difference on the style of my writing, now and then. i dont know why but now, i dont really like the way i write sometimes. it doesnt seems to be like me. it seems so plain and dull. seems to me like its more like a personal schedule plan of my daily life more than like a personal blog. hahahaha there was even comments on my older blogsites from strangers liking my style of writing and that i shld carry on.

i wonder what happened to the other me.

have i really changed so much over the many months and few years? that somehow it has also affected my style of writing? or maybe i just cant be bothered to pen down some interesting stuffs or at least one that doesnt sound like a 'personal schedule' of mine.

actually there is a difference in me now. the present me. i seems to let go of almost everything. my emotions are like a roller coaster ride every once so often. i begin to see things at a lighter note. mostly so as not to hurt myself too much. in terms of disappointments, anticipations, promises, goodbyes and so forth.

i am sure everyone of you out there realise how hard life seems to be now. especially when you are already in your 20s. life is no longer a bed of roses. its no longer the fairytales you love to read and daydream about all day and night. to some, its more of how much will i get back if i give that much out. we look more at opportunity costs now, lesser of thinking with ur heart more than ur head.

nothing counts. disappointments outweighing anticipations and promises. betrayal and heartaches seems to be part of our daily lives now. the older u get, the wiser u become. u have to or else u will never survivie in such a cold and cruel world. power and money is the key. with them you can be the king. without them, you are nothing but just a pathetic soul out there trying to make the best out of every possible opportunity.

but of cos there is always that little ray of sunshine which shines upon us out of the blue. that little ray of sunshine which gives us hope for a better tomorrow. that moment of happiness, dreams coming true, a new born's innocence. soon comes the heavy clouds and then darkness falls upon us. Reality setbacks.

some feelings are just so hard to actually describe in words. what do you say when you have been lifted up so high, almost touching the clear blue skies when suddenly you are being hit smack right back onto the cold hard earth? how many times have we experience such mixed emotions? how many times have we tried to stand back up on our feet and try to climb up again? and again... and again...

how many times can one torlerate such horrid feelings until we just simple explode one day? then what happens?

can i say it is so forth better to just not have any expectations in life? it seems the more you expect and anticipate some things in life, the harder it will hit you right back in the face. if you dont expact anything, least it wouldn't feel that bad if reality kicks you in the butt.

what are dreams now then? are they just clouds, floating in the sky, waiting for you to grab hold of it? when it is quite impossible? if one runs out of dreams, what can one live on?

I guess everyone of us just have to be strong. and live on each day. achieve the best you can out of it and hopes that one day.... just one day, your dreams will finally come true..