.plans.excitement.confusion.honesty.lies.depression.counting down to my special day.

been staying home for the past few days. well, juz today and yesterday. heheheh its good. i was able to catch up on my sleep (and dreams) and juz simply laze around at home. wanted to do some reading up as well but i swear time juz flew past me in a blink of an eye!!! plan to read up on my International Financial Management after the phone conversation with jonathan chong and darling jonathan lee but... the weather was tooo good to sleep *blush* what can i say? *sigh*

juz 1 more day to my 23rd !!!!!! so excited!!! hahahaha at the same time, feeling kinda down. in my 22 years and 364 days, so many things have happened. sometimes i wish i can go back in turn and change it - spend more time on my studies, my family and with my aunt who passed last year...... and many others which i shld not list. my dear aunt... i really miss her so much. each time i think of her, tears juz cant stop flowing down my cheeks. even right now... i really regret not being there for her funeral. i feel so bad about it. part of me still feels so guilty about the whole thing. it has been so long, i know i shldnt talk about it, but it juz gets to me every now and then. i really feel like a letdown in so many ways... how i wish i can just redo everything over again. to change the time when i let people down. so everyone will be happy around me.. i only want to bring happiness into every of my loved ones' life. i'm really sorry to cause you so much pain and disappointment... i know you love me no matter what happens.. sometims i just feel i dont deserve it all. theres alot of people out there who does. people who can achieve so much more than i can... i'm juz a simple girl.. a simple letdown....

i would like to thank everyone who has been there for me. those people who showed me how much they cared. friends who called me up unexpectedly, asking if i'm fine. friends who been thru the thick and thin... i really thank you all for being there all these while. you people know who you are. you all shld know how much i treasure friendships. its part of my life. you guys are part of my life. without you people, i'll be lost and hope-less. there might be times where our friendship is being put on a test, but we got through it. for those i havent seen or heard for years, you're still in my heart. every hour, every minute, every second. for you are not forgotten as well :)

in life, there are different kinds of people we meet. you all shld know, after so many years. i would say that i've been lucky to be meeting so many wonderful people who are real and true. but of cos, there're the ones who are fake and scandalous. i jus dont get whats the fun of it all? dont you find it tiring? hiding secrets and backstabbing and telling lies? what do you get out of it really? in friendships, i believe in honesty and trust. i take all opinions with open arms. i got honest views and voices out from my friends - be it good or bad. i accepted it all and we talked it through. its healthy and just makes the whole relationship stronger. so tell me, why are you hiding stuffs from others? do you find it thrilling? exciting? a sense of adventure??? i'm just glad sometimes i'm able to see whos been truthful and whos been fake. i wouldnt say much out until its really getting out of hand. seriously, i'm a very easy-going person but once u get it on way too much, thats just it. i might juz pop and yeah.... dont think anyone except for my mum and granadparents seen me 'pop'. created a heck of a scene eons back cos of some stuff. hahahaha. prob some of u guys heard it. well i find it quite amusing and felt really 'paiseh' later when everyone there started apologising. (chuckles)

anyway!! yup. my birthday is coming!!!!!! i really hope i'll enjoy it this year.... pls pls pls~ but i wun be hoping too much. juz in case its not what i excited it to be. hahahaha. got a birthday card from him yesterday :) very sweet of him. havent receive any birthday cards thru snailmail for quite sometime back. hahaha either handed it to me personally or via email :P

ok...i better stop typing.. else someone gonna say me again. *bleah*

p.s Audrey's place nearly got broke into today!!! scared the shit outta me when she told me what happened. someone hacked into the door and tried to break it down. like wtf!?!??!! hello people, this is australia for you guys who're keen on coming here. hhahahahahahaha but seriously, its scary!!! like those u watch on e movies. wat the heck man....