currently suffering from pre-monday blues. lately have been feeling so depressed that i went to bed feeling so freaking sad and drag waking up every morning. yes. i think i'm suffering from depression again. the party few nights ago did not really help much. instead i think it made me feel even worse in some ways. got home and was staring out for awhile. lost somewhere. trying to find myself. i could not explain the way i'm feeling right now. its almost like i've lost faith in everything. lost faith in myself, my hopes, my dreams... i cant feel it no more. i feel so out of place. so unwanted. unneeded. unloved. unwelcomed. un-everything-ed.
i really wish that i can get out of this soon. this feeling seems to haunts me every month. as much as i try to get it out of my head, it somehow finds its way back in. tormenting me.. i dont feel like going to uni tomorrow... i would like to see someone there but part of me just doesnt care. i tried eating chocolates to smooth out my feelings but i think it juz made it worse... blogging seems to help...
so whats new? *sigh* i seriously need to go to this lecture tomorrow.. i havent been attending it since the 1st week of uni. reason is because it clashes along with my other subject. both subjects having the same lecture time. like how bad can that be? but thankfully i did this subject before but i kinda feel bad for missing out all 3 lectures of it. its bad really. i dont know what to say.
i really hope he will call me this week. part of me knows that it is not going to happen as much as i wish and hope it would. in a way it could be a blessing in disguise. i thought he would not be the rest of them. but i guess... hes juz one of them actually. part of me wants to just erase the thought out of my head but be realistic girl. its how life is suppose to be. if u're not part of them, u would not be able to be part of the game. as simple as that. Life!
i know that i should not be like this. i shld be strong.. live life to the fullest and not care what others think. but sometimes... juz sometimes, even the strongest falls. and thats when they fall deep. as much as i want to hide the real me from the whole world, once in awhile it juz creeps out. being all weak and hopeless and devastated. i guess in a way, i did bring this to myself. if i didnt think so much, if i just do nothing. i'll just be happier and be comtempted with what i have. but instead, sometimes i just tend to do the most silliest thing and get what i deserve. hahahahahhaa. all i want is something. something real. something true. if it doesnt turn out the way i hope it would, at least it was/is something. right?
11pm liao... time to either go to bed or catch up on my readings. been saying that for the past few days and i did nothing.... meanwhile, i really hope that he will call... if he doesnt, well, so be it. its still cool.
cheers*
The GIRL.
|| pinkdixie ||
this is my ranting playground // judge me not of my nonsensical verbal vomits for this is my personal haven // RESPECT your friends, family, loved ones and even your enemy // THINK before you speak as you never know how hurtful your words might be //
Her LOVES.
My Darlings & Loved ones
Travel & Living
Shopping
Romance & Excitement
Wonderful Surprises
Laughters
Chilling sessions
Her WISHES.
Graduate
My first offical paycheck Driving License
A Special Someone
iPod
Puppy(ies)
Lose 15kg..for now
Downpayment
My First Car *personal finance* New Canon Ixus New Laptop
Being Happy
A Gucci Bag
Language School
Staying Positive
